Not What I Expected

Have you been following along at A Cup of Jo as various women share their experiences of working and balancing motherhood? It has been a fascinating read.

More than anything it makes me realize how much my life has changed in the last year and how much more it will change in the year to come.

July 16th of 2010 was my last day at my job. Daniel and I had finally sold our house and it was time for me to join him in Chattanooga. It was bittersweet. In the days that followed, I handled the closing of our house, loaded what was left of our things into the car and drove Sophie and myself to Tennessee.

It was time. Daniel and I needed to be together again.

I always thought I would somehow manage to work at least part time and still be a mom. I never expected that the economy would fail so terribly. That we would end up moving to a tiny town in rural Alabama or that I would pretty much exit the work force before the age of 30. I didn't expect "keeping house" to be my main priority after more than 8 years of working full time. 

In one sense this new phase of life has been a relief. There was a year where I worked two jobs {teaching at night and working as a graphic designer during the day}. That was too much. Then another year of trying to hold it together while Daniel went through a layoff and 365 days of being unemployed. That was tough.

And now, we expect our first born. 

I know my role will change. It is doubtful that I will find full-time work in the "real" world in the near future – believe me I have tried. Most likely my work will shift to taking care of our child. It is a scary thought. But at the same time, I am ready to have more purpose in my life. I am ready to embrace change. To learn new things. To do something I haven't done before.

It wasn't what I expected. I thought my life would be more like those I read about in the posts about balancing motherhood and work. Sometimes you just have to embrace the life you are given.