It's been awhile since my last post. We are still living in a Corona world. Life is going on, but standing still. I gave up counting the days we've been in a pandemic months ago. I quit watching the news. I started seeing people in outside places again back in June and my mental health improved 100%.

I just saw that my county is issuing an extension of its mask mandate. Now we are being required to where masks outside as well as inside until sometime in January.

On the one hand, I know cases are on the rise. However, I also know, by and large, a tiny percentage of people are dying from this. And while that is sad, it is also maddening that we are all expected to live as though we each definitely have the virus instead of being mindful of those who are highest risk, we all must act like we are all equally high risk.

When I was 16, I vividly remember my mom having trepidation about me driving on my own. Specifically at night because she was worried that either A) I would have a wreck or B) some other driver would kill me. This was so frustrating to me as a new driver who wanted more than anything my new independence.

Instead of arguing with her verbally, I researched and wrote an argument that I presented to her. I don't have that paper, but this is the gist of what I wrote: 

She was right, I could die while driving a car. I could be killed by another driver or by my own stupidity. But, I could also die from other things. I could get cancer and die. I could be hit by a car walking down the street and die (I was actually hit by a car when I was ten, but thankfully it was not fatal). I could die of carbon monoxide poisoning, or a fire, in our own home. I could get pneumonia and die. There are so many things I could die from. My mom finally gave in and allowed me to drive a car like all the other 16-year olds.

Taking this argument further, I didn't know this as a 16 year old, but when I was in my mid-20s I would get a blood clot in my leg (DVT) that would turn into a blood clot in my lungs (PE) from which I could have died. Turns out there was a 1 in 6,000 chance that would happen from being on birth control (a risk I was completely unaware of at the time). And it happened to me (again, thankfully it was not fatal). I also endured a high-risk pregnancy with my youngest that ended with a placenta abruption. If I had not been at the hospital when it happened, I could have died. Those are just some of my near-death experiences. Things beyond my control. Do I choose to lock myself up? No. Did I choose not to have my son even though it was a risk to my own life? No. 

As soon as we are born, we are all marching toward death. We can't stop it. For some it comes earlier than others. Some have near misses like me, but death is still coming.

I keep seeing this idea expressed on social media that we should choose "not see relatives for the holidays now so that we can see them later." This idea really bothers me. For one thing, grown adults (our parents/our grandparents) should be able to make that decision for themselves; for another, what if you skip this holiday with a loved one and they die from something else? What if they die from something out of their control like a car wreck? What then? For me, I would carry immense guilt if I put off those relationships and something happened to a love one any ways.

At what cost are we doing the things we are doing? We need connection. We need community. If a private business mandates you wear a mask on their private property, I have no problem complying. But when standing outside where transmission has been shown to be minuscule? Or on my own property? In my own house? That is a harder thing to get on board with. Our constitution gives us the right to life and liberty, these governances feel like they are treading on those rights.