Don't Waste Your Life

When it comes to the death of someone young, or at least someone close to your own age, it always seems so senseless. So unfair. So tragic. So many unanswered questions. So sad. So hard. So many thoughts. So many images flashing through my mind when I close my eyes.

This past week a friend of ours, Patrick Halstead, was taken off of life support after a drowning accident. It all makes no sense. We sit and question what could have happened. We wonder, why? What is God's purpose in all of this?

And there are no answers.

Patrick was a good father and a good friend. He was the kind of guy who would go the extra mile to check on you, just because. 

A few years ago when I was rushed to the ER for a blood clot, Patrick showed up at the ER {shortly after I posted a status update to Facebook}. He came at a critical time for me... I had just learned that besides having a blood clot in my leg, I also had a pulmonary embolism and they would be admitting me to the hospital for a week. Daniel had gone home to pack for the hospital stay and I couldn't reach him to update him about what was going on. I was terrified and alone when Patrick walked through the door. He was one of the few to visit me in the hospital and at the time he didn't even know me that well. He just showed up. Not many people just show up at the critical times in our lives... Patrick was special in that way: he always made time for people.

I hate that Patrick is no longer with us. I hate it for his son. I hate it for his family. I hate that we didn't get to see him when we were in Charlotte a few months ago. But Patrick taught me something invaluable: People are important and I need to be better about making time for people; making time to show up.

Today is Patrick's memorial service in Charlotte and my heart aches for his son, for his family, for those closest to him. When I hold my own son, my heart breaks a little more.

Patrick will be sorely missed by many. I take comfort in the fact that while life was not always easy for him, he was able to take the opportunity {after a lay off from Verizon} to work at the White Water Center in Charlotte doing something he loved. I take comfort in the fact that he didn't waste his life. I take comfort in knowing that I will see him again in Heaven.

Patrick -- I hope that you knew that you were loved. I hope that you knew that you touched a lot of people by showing up. 

*Pictures from a camping trip in the North Carolina Mountains in September, 2008.

Rough Week

This week has been a tough one. Emotionally. Mentally. Physically. Just tough on so many levels. This post may be long. I just need to get some things off my chest. I don't know if I have it in me to talk out loud about these things, so if you want to share advice or encouragement, I ask that you do it in the comments or through an email...

On Tuesday morning, I found out {via Facebook} that a friend from high school, Buddy {Trey} Harp had died in a car accident. He was the older brother of a friend, but we were all in church youth group together and I would count Buddy as a friend as well.

It has been at least 10 years since I had seen Buddy so I don't have a significant personal attachment to him. HOWEVER, I find it incredibly tragic that he died leaving behind a wife and 6-month-old child, as well as his entire family. The whole story breaks my heart. I hurt so much for his wife and child and the pain they must be suffering right now. Every time I think about them, it makes me start to cry. I can't live my life crying, but I am learning that crying can be a good relief from pain.

This situation continues to weigh heavy on my heart. On top of that, it continues to be difficult to be separated from Daniel. During the week, we are both so tired it is hard to communicate effectively. And then when he is home, we are having to make tough decisions, work hard and we don't have a lot of time to just be us. I know those days are coming, but after a week like this, I could really just use 30 minutes to cuddle and not think about anything else. I need to feel connected. I need to feel like if for some AWFUL reason I lost him, we would have spent some quality time together.

The stress of getting our house on the market is really having an impact on us. We are both dog tired. We are forgetting things. We realized Friday night that the registration and tags on the Altima was expired. So I got up early this morning to go get an inspection. Then the realtor came by to sign paperwork {and answer all of D's questions}. The landscapers showed up too. Then they left without doing a major component of the yard work we had agreed to... talk about STRESS. Daniel called the owner of the company and the guys came back this afternoon to finish - it was just a misunderstanding, but stressful nonetheless. I have been on my feet working for the past 13 hours. I am exhausted and we still have work to do.

Have you ever said something out loud that you immediately regretted? This happened to me on Friday. I wish I that I could CNTR+Z my life. But I can't. I said some things that may have {unintentionally} hurt a friend. And there is absolutely nothing I can do about it. I have apologized, but that doesn't lift this burden. I wish I could be like Sophie {my dog} and show remorse for being bad and then let it go and immediately return to loving everything and everyone and being loved in return. For humans, that seems to be a much harder thing to do.

So. It has been a rough week. I have no idea what the future holds. I pray that the coming week will be a good one. I continue to pray that God will hold the family of Buddy Harp in his hands. Our house will be officially on the market on Wednesday {as long as nothing catastrophic happens}. Daniel and I will be spending next weekend together in Atlanta at a friend's wedding. I hope this gives us some time to rejuvenate and reconnect and just appreciate being together again. And I especially hope that things work out with my open mouth, insert foot incident.