Twenty Years

I recently heard an idea that was attributed to Aristotle that I can't quit thinking about: "If you want to come across as an ethical man, you need to be an ethical man." The more I think about this, I find that I can extrapolate this concept to most parts of my life, including marriage.

 

If I want a good spouse, I need to be a good spouse. 

 

 

 

Spoiler alert: I am not always a good spouse. And a lot of times when our marriage feels like it is going off the rails, one or both of us (probably both) is not being a good spouse.  

 

 

 

Friday was our twentieth wedding anniversary. Twenty years full of amazing memories, but also twenty years of being human and selfish. We don't always get it right. It takes work. A lot of work. 

 

 

 

We have both changed so much in the last twenty years. We have grown up. We have shifted in things we think. We have become more stubborn in some areas. It has taken work to show up and continue on.

   

 

Some days (years) seem so easy, some are incredibly hard and fraught with tension and misunderstanding. But we have continued on and it has, and continues to be, worth it.

 

Earlier this year we had discussed taking a big trip for this important 20th anniversary. We are not great at celebrating and it takes a lot of intention for us to make something like this happen. We are also procrastinators. And while we kept quietly talking about this trip we needed to take, we never made 

plans. 

 

In fact, the week before, Daniel called me to ask if he should take any days off since we hadn't decided on anything. I told him to take off Thursday and Friday and we went about setting a plan in motion. We found friends to keep the boys and booked a tiny house locally on Sunday (for Thursday!). 

 

It wasn't a grandiose thing. It was fairly last minute. I decided we should go on a couple of hikes that I love that I have done with our kids but that Daniel had not been able to experience. He decided where we should eat. We had fun just the two of us. It wasn't exhausting and we came home rejuvenated in our relationship.

 

I hope we take that big trip sometime in the next year, but if we don't, it's okay. I have never felt so content. Maybe contentment is where it is at. High expectations can wreak havoc (in my experience). Connecting with each other and working individually to be good spouses and finding contentment, that is what twenty years of marriage has taught me.

Happy 20th Anniversary, Daniel! I pray for many more years together and many more adventures to come!

A Look Back on the blog:
Five Years  |  Six Years  |  Skipped Seven Year Post  |  Eight Years  |  Nine Years  |  Ten Years  |  Eleven Years  |  Twelve Years  |  Thirteen Years  |  Fourteen Years  |  Fifteen Years

Weekend Retreat and Hike to Blowing Wind Falls

This weekend I had the opportunity to get away with some close friends to a house on the river for a much-needed retreat.

We spent the weekend staying up late, eating all the food, and talking enough to make up for a year’s worth of quarantine.

Saturday I led a hike up the Ritchie Hollow Trail to Blowing Wind Cave. I have taken my kids to the lower section of this hike but had never gone all the way to the waterfall.

It’s a big climb for the last mile, but the waterfall at the top was worth it.

 

 

I am thankful for every minute I get to spend in the woods, soaking in God’s creation. It is always a joy to share these experiences with others.

 

 

 

This brings my hiking count for the year to 11/52 hikes. My phone said we did 4 miles (that’s 32 miles YTD). 

Sophie Girl

Last Tuesday was an unexpectedly hard day for our household, and it is something we are still sort of in the middle of.

What started off as a fantastic weekend camping with friends (where our extra-grouchy dog was the most chill she has ever been and got lots of love) ended with Sophie being terribly sick.

Daniel took her to the vet first thing Tuesday and we learned through x-rays that she has a significant growth that appears to be pressing on all of her organs and does not seem to be allowing her to digest food properly.

There's a good chance it is cancer.

Her bloodwork showed she had possible liver damage and the overall prognosis wasn’t good. After seeing the bloodwork, the vet specifically told us she had a 10% chance of recovery.

The vet gave her fluids for dehydration and anti-nausea medicine, then sent her home with us so we could love on her and spoil her for at least 24 hours.

Daniel brought her home and we immediately cancelled all plans for Tuesday and Wednesday and decided to take a spontaneous drive to the mountains to hike as a family. Daniel rode in the very back with her while I drove us up to Huckleberry Knob on the Cherohala Skyway outside of Tellico Plains.

Our Sophie loves to hike with us. She loves to stop and smell the roses (really any flower in her path). She loves to run free on the open balds. So we let her do all of these things.

The four of us talked about all of our good memories with Sophie over the last eleven years and just took the time to enjoy being with her, not getting home until midnight that night.

We were actually supposed to start school last Wednesday but decided to wait since everything felt a bit upside down. For five nights Sophie got me up every couple of hours. It was exhausting and emotional.

Sophie didn't (and doesn’t) appear to be in pain and is still enjoying long daily walks with Daniel at Green Gorge. We talked about end of life plans, but couldn’t quite bear to make the call that seemed to be on the horizon.

That was last week. Friday night she finally pooped and all of her energy bounced back. She quit waking us (me) up at all hours and is eating again. We have no idea what to expect in the future, but for now she is doing leaps and bounds better.

We have been walking through joy and sorrow and the knowledge that her time with us is limited, but  are also incredibly grateful for this gift of extra time with our thirteen-year-old girl who still seems so much like a puppy.