Staying.

You could say that I know a thing or two about leaving – we have moved three times in the last five-ish years, including a three-month stint in a camper and a six-month period living in a different hotel or vacation home on a weekly basis. And let's not even get started on the fact that I have moved a total of 18 times in my life, not including my college years. So leaving, I'm good at that.

Staying. Staying is much harder for me. I'm trying to make peace with it. I want my boys to grow up in a place where they will hopefully have friends that last a lifetime. But I may always feel the tug to move on.

This transient side of me has learned to make friends almost anywhere, but more often than not, the people I connect with are also the moving type. I guess we gravitate toward each other because we understand what it is like, this impermanence. This year I have already said goodbye to a new friend who moved to Idaho, and last week I dropped by to see a friend who is headed to Montana soon.

I'm excited for them, but it's hard to be the one on the saying goodbye side of things. I'm sad to see them go, and also a teeny bit jealous perhaps. Jealous of their new adventure? I don't know. I guess I'm just in an antsy phase. We have been in our current town for three years now which is enough time to feel settled, but also historically this is about the time that life uproots me...

The "Three Year" Theory

I have this theory that it takes about 2-3 years to feel like you belong somewhere, like you are a part of the community, that you have a place. Being someone who has moved about 12 times in my life, I think I have a pretty good grasp of what it means to try to fit in somewhere new. I even wrote about this back in 2008.

It is hard to believe, but we have been in our current home for 2.5 years and Daniel has been at his current job for a little over 3 years. Looking back, the 3-year time frame has once again held true. 

At first I felt lost and alone. It has been hard to make new friends while living in a small (very small) rural town. But it was also hard to make friends in a huge city like Charlotte, NC. This time around has been different in that we have a baby in our mix, but it still has taken almost 3 years to begin to feel plugged in.

In the past couple of years, we have been blessed to make friends in not one, but two cities: Huntsville, AL and Chattanooga, TN. I am so thankful to be getting to the three year mark and feeling more and more like I am supposed to be here.

Through it all, I am incredibly grateful to have Daniel by my side, because even when I feel alone he has always been there. Our friendship has carried us through the lonelier times.

If my math is correct and it takes me (on average) 2.5 years to feel comfortable in a new place, there have only been a handful of years in my lifetime that I have felt like I actually belong somewhere – which, sadly, rings true for me.

I think it's time that we stay somewhere for a little longer!