On My Mind: Words Matter, but so does Perspective

My blog has been a place to document my life for almost 10 years now! Sometimes it includes reviews, sometimes it is just me rambling about various topics. Often it is an open journal of my life, which heavily involves my family. I also try to touch on important current events, especially when they hit close to home. I think I do this because I want my kids to be able to look back and have an understanding of the world we live in, and what was transpiring during their lifetime. Right now I feel like our world is more broken than it has been in a long time, and the brokenness is showing up closer and closer to home. So here is some of what has been on my mind lately...

When Daniel and I were first married, like most newlyweds, we experienced a crash course in communication. About two years into our young marriage we decided to purchase our first home. We intentionally picked a fixer upper, that we immediately gutted and spent five years rebuilding together. Several people told us we would get divorced over this project...

Obviously we are not divorced, but that house did not come without trials. Truthfully we fought a lot about decisions in that home. We like to joke that this was the house that taught us how to fight. And also how to let things go, and agree to disagree.

The moment I remember most vividly had to do with our basement renovation. We would have long discussions where we would dream together about what we would do to our basement. We were very specific in our discussions. Very specific. And then the time came to actually do the work.

We walked downstairs and had one of the biggest fights of our marriage. We were on the same page after all, having talked in great detail. BUT. It turned out that when I was talking about a south wall, Daniel was talking about a north wall. Our visions were completely opposite. And while we had talked it out and AGREED on what we were doing, we weren't even remotely close to being on the same page.

It was a valuable lesson.

Once we figured out how off our "agreement" was, we sat down and literally drew out our ideas on paper and discussed (fought) and discussed some more until we came to a real agreement. A true agreement, where we were both not only heard but actually understood the other person.

These days if we are working on something and our words don't seem to be getting through, sometimes we go back to the drawing board. Literally. We have to be on the same page and know that we have the same vision in an effort to move forward.

In my opinion, so many things that are happening in our country right now can be traced back to a similar type of problem (whether political or pertaining to race relations in our communities). We may be talking about the same issues, and even hearing what is being said. But sometimes there is a complete lack of understanding because we don't have the same perspective. 

I recently read an article (Race, Truth and Our Two Realities) that gives incite into how the correspondence theory of truth impacts race discussions in America. We are at a crossroads where discussions are happening, but it is like the people taking part in the discussions are standing with their backs to each other, looking in opposite directions. The past, along with one's personal experiences and expectations about the future, all define one's perspective, and if those things are different (which they inevitably are), a conversation might not actually yield any kind of change.

I don't have answers. I find that difficult subjects are best talked out in person, with maybe a drawing board to get you where you need to go. Shouting on the internet, or in forums where you can't really be heard does not solve anything. 

I hope that at the very least we are raising our boys to be respectful and loving to everyone they meet. And to also understand that every single person in this world has experiences that determine how they perceive the world and live out their lives. Period. That is just reality and we need to be willing to listen with an effort to try to understand one other if there is ever to be any kind of change or reconciliation.

Love does no harm to a neighbor. Therefore love is the fulfillment of the law. Romans 13:10

#orlando

Like the rest of the country, I am in shock and deeply saddened by the mass shooting that happened in Orlando early Sunday morning. When there were attacks in Paris last November, it was shocking but it felt far away. When Belgium was bombed in March, it felt a bit closer to home because I had a cousin spending a semester there. Orlando brings terror a little too close to home for me. Much like the shootings in Chattanooga did last summer. 

So, I am doing the only thing I know to do. I am praying for peace and comfort for the families who lost loved ones. I am praying for those who were spared, and those who feel the guilt of "why not me?" I am praying for our divided nation, and I am going to show love and respect to everyone I meet. I am also going to go on living my life because living trapped in fear is not really living.

#noogastrong

It feels like my brain has turned to mush. The last three months of waking up with Isaac during the night have definitely taken a toll. Until I get to regularly sleep through the night again, and my brain returns to normal, I will just keep doing my best to piece my thoughts together...

Last Thursday was a frightening day. The older I get, the more experiences I have that fill me with fear. Evil abounds in this world and these instances remind me that this world is not my home.

I remember how horrifying it was to watch the September 11 attacks, live on television, from my university student center. More recently I remember the shock of hearing about the Boston Marathon attack. I never expected to be so close to such an attack.

I normally listen to the radio while I am in the car, but for some reason I had turned it off on the way to my boot camp class at the Y. I believe I was having a conversation with Jack about why we obey the laws while driving. 

When I arrived at the Y, my boot camp instructor was running around asking about keys. I just assumed she needed keys to unlock the closet where the weights are stored. When she came into the gym, she informed us all that the doors were all locked and that our kids were safe. I thought that was an odd statement but I assumed she was making sure the doors were locked so the kids couldn't sneak out. I had no idea that a sinister event was playing out in Chattanooga.

There were only a handful of people at the work out. I assumed that everyone was on vacation or just skipping. At the end of class I checked my phone and saw that I had several messages from my dad. In the middle of the day... which was odd. Then my instructor started to say something about an active shooter. Wait, WHAT? It was then that things started to click in my brain.

There was an active shooter. At the Riverpark. And he had not yet been stopped.

My dad called again and I let him know that we were ok, that I was collecting the boys and we were heading home. I told Jack that we couldn't stay and play on the playground like we usually did. He wanted to know why. So I revisited our earlier conversation about obeying the laws, telling him that someone was not obeying the laws and we needed to go home to be safe.

I quickly got the boys in the car and started driving. I called Daniel to make sure he had heard the news. He works an hour north of town so I knew he was ok. We drove home and I turned on the radio to listen to the news live. The shooter had been stopped. People were on lockdown. People had died. I silently wept and prayed as I drove.

Once home Jack wanted to make cookies. He had been asking for a couple of days to make cookies and I knew that was what we needed to do. He doesn't know that the world has evil in it. He didn't know, nor could he comprehend, what had just happened. So we continued with life. Business as usual. The business of a mom and her 3-year-old making cookies. The day felt very surreal. It still does. Did that really happen in our city? 

I am so proud of the men and women who rushed to help. The first responders that worked to stop and contain the situation. I felt like everyone was calm and collected and did what needed to be done. Since the event I continue to hear stories like how two marines helped get people to safety before returning to search for others and ultimately getting shot. They are heroes. The police officer that ran toward the shooting, to help. He is a hero. Five men lost their lives in this terrorist attack in the city I call home.

The people of Chattanooga have pulled together in a way that makes me proud to live here. Proud to be an American citizen. People are choosing to continue living their lives. I know that shock still permeates our city, but by and large it seems like the people who live here are choosing to be #noogastrong and not allowing the events of last week take anything from them. 

I continue to pray for the families that lost loved ones during this tragic incident.

When I am afraid...

The world is a scary place. There is so much that is out of our control – for someone like me who likes to be in control, this is tough. It would be so easy to stay home and not engage with this crazy, scary world. But if we chose to hide, we would miss out on experiences and relationships and opportunities. Even with all of the evil around us, I believe that the good outweighs the bad. 

I can't imagine the terror felt by those who were at the Boston Marathon yesterday. Having run a half marathon, I can only try to imagine the chaos and confusion that ensued, especially for the runners who were already physically and mentally exhausted as they came to the end of their race.

This quote from Mr. Rogers encourages me at a time like this.

{via Huff Post Parents}

It reminds me that good people exist and they are willing to help others, even in the face of difficult situations. Even those who were exhausted from having run 26.2 miles were willing to rally to help those who were hurt.

I am also encouraged by God's word. It reminds me that I don't have to be in control. I don't have to understand the things that happen in this world, I just have to trust that God is in control.

God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging. – Psalm 46:1-3

Trusting God is the only thing that allows me to truly engage with the world. It lets me put my fears aside. It gives me peace and comforts me when I am afraid.

I continue to pray for those who were affected directly by this terrible tragedy.