Chat with Jack ⎮ October, 2014

Jack turns three on Tuesday. The years are flying by. I will continue to write about life with Jack but it probably won't be on a monthly basis.

Over the last month, Jack has been really fixated on being a big kid. He constantly talks about big kids and being a big kid. 

I'm a big kid... I'm a Patrick. (Patrick is one of the older boys in our small group from church).

I'm a grown up now.
 
I'm a grown up like my teachers.
 
When I'm a grown up, I'm going to be Spider-Man.
 
I'm big enough to drive the car by myself now.

 

You can stay upstairs, mommy, and we guys will go down and paint by ourselves. I'm a big kid so I can paint without mommy.
 

We are also having interesting conversations about the baby. I don't know that he really understands what is coming, but he likes to talk about the baby a lot.

There is a baby in mommy's tummy and it's coming out today.

Us: Where's the baby?
Jack: At the grocery store. We're going to get it tomorrow.

Us: The baby is in mommy's tummy.
Jack: In here? (looking down my shirt) No, the baby is in my tummy. Us: The baby is in your tummy?
Jack: No, tools are in my tummy.

The baby is still in there? Pointing to my stomach. He's going to sleep with you?

Jack also likes to lay on my stomach and tell me that he is squishing the baby.

Since potty training, we have random conversations about going potty. Like the following:

Water goes through my body and I poop it out.
 
Jack: Why does Sophie go outside? Me: Because she needs to go potty.
Jack: She needs to go potty because doesn't have a diaper on?
Me: Something like that.

Here is an example of imaginative play with Jack:

He likes to climbs a ladder at the playground and then will ask me to hand him various tools (hammer, wrench, ect.). I pretend to hand him a tool, then he will pretend to fix something and then pretend to hand the tool back to me.

Another thing he likes to do is set up ramps to ride his four wheeler or bike on:  

Can you please set the ramps up so I can ride my bike on them, daddy?

Dress up currently involves bad guys, scary dragons and Spiderman or Transformers...

Jack wants to dress up like the bad guys, with a bad guys cape and sword (he picked this up from Mickey Mouse and the 3 Musketeers).

 
He is currently obsessed with Spider-Man and Transformers. We have introduced him to the 1980s cartoons via Netflix and he can't get enough.

He is also very interested in bad guys and scary monsters -- this is typically the type of role he wants to play.

Or pirates: When I grow up like a pirate, I can row a ship.

 

Leading up to Halloween, this was our ongoing conversation:

Me: What do you want to be for Halloween? 
Jack: A robot.
Another time...
Me: What do you want to be for Halloween? 
Jack: A scary monster.
A third time...
Jack: A scary monster-robot.
And finally...
Jack: A scary monster-robot-witch.

In the end he was a Transformer (that's kind of a robot, right?).

Here are some other memorable conversations we have had with our boy...

One day Jack explained to me how Camelbak water bottles worked: The water comes up the pipe and into your mouth?

It's a hot dog on a stick! He was so excited about his first corn dog.

Bye bye wink holders. He said this while pulling weeds. I have no idea where this phrase came from.
 
Jack: Do you feel better mommy?
Me: No.
Jack: Will you feel better soon? Do you want to eat? Food will make you feel better.
Me: Sweet boy.

Jack: Daddy, can we watched a video?
Daniel: Yes buddy, what do you want to watch?
Jack: The human powered flying machine. (YouTube video)

Me: Hey Jack, I haven't got my hug from you today...
Jack: I've already give you THREE hugs today.

When asked to do something he doesn't want to do, he says, "No, not yet."

Me: Whose stinky?
Jack: Daddy is stinky... on his feet.

If you ask him what he wants to eat for dinner if we are going out, the answer is always "burritos!"

As part of our bedtime routine, we always read two books to him (Daniel reads one and I read one). Now Jack picks out his two books, but grabs an extra one for Jack to read. There are a couple of books he has memorized and he will go through it with us at bedtime.

In the mornings, Jack now comes down fully clothed. This means he removes his footed pajamas and diaper and then dresses himself for the day. I'm not gonna lie, there are days that underwear, shirts or pants are on backwards or shoes are on the wrong feet. I always inform him if something is wrong, but I never make him change unless he wants to. I'm just glad he does these things for himself.

In terms of potty training, Jack is mostly there. We have some some days where he still gets distracted with playing and will have accidents. But being out of diapers is totally worth the occasional accident. It helps when I talk to other moms on the playground who are experiencing similar things with their kids.

Naps have been another interesting thing lately. If I let him nap he will stay awake until 10 or 11pm at night. Thankfully he knows not to leave his room once we tuck him in, but he ends up exhausted the next day. Some days, he just can't keep his eyes open and falls asleep in the most random ways. 

While Jack loves sword fighting and working on projects with his daddy, I am still the go to person if something is wrong. He also enjoys cooking with me and running errands and going to the Y with me. He is such a sweet little boy, I hope he always enjoys hanging out with me and Daniel.

In the month of October we went camping, visited a farm, brought some joy to a nursing home, and went trick-or-treating for the first time. It was a great month.

12 Things

While not perfect, and filled with unexpected challenges, I think my 30s have been among my best years so far. 

1. I started my birthday morning cleaning poop off the floor and then shortly after I oversaw a timeout. I'm definitely a mom.

2. I'm OCD about cleaning/organizing, but I am a terrible house keeper.

3. I used to have daily reminders on my phone of what I should clean every day. Then we lived in hotels for 6 months and my reminders would go off everyday and annoy me because I couldn't even pretend to try to clean.

4. I pretty much have every children's book in our house memorized. We have a lot of books.

5. I keep hoping we will go hiking more (or at all), but that doesn't seem to be something that fits our current life stage. Some day.

6. There has been no lighting in our master bedroom for several months. Sometimes we start projects and they take longer than expected. Ok, that's really every project.

7. I essentially got new windows in the master suite for my birthday. I love the extra light. When I was younger, this is not something I would have imagined to be a good present – but it totally is!

 Before

 After – still have trim work to do and need to decide on paint colors.

8. The nicest car we have ever owned (and currently own) is a '98 LandCruiser. That's the year I graduated from high school. It has a tape deck and CD player... I know you're jealous.

9. I am probably the only 30-something year old that has had to relearn how to drive an automatic car. I forget to put it in park about 50% of the time. At least I pull the parking break every time.

10. I've pretty much quit reading books with any kind of regularity. I blame Kindle. It just isn't the same as a real book. Time to get back on track.

11. I voted today, which is fitting since I was born on an election day.

12. We celebrated my birthday this year with dinner at the Tupelo Honey Cafe. Their honey and biscuits are fantastic, and breakfast for dinner was perfect. 

 Chicken and Biscuits

 Country Breakfast

 Kids Sweet Potato Pancakes

2007 Things // 2009 Things // 2010 Things // 2011 Things // 2012 Things // 2013 Things

Pregnancy after Miscarriage

This post is going to be fairly personal. I wanted to share what it was like to be pregnant after going through a miscarriage and then dealing with uncertainty. I have talked with a surprising number of women who have had similar experiences and feel like this topic needs more attention since it isn't often discussed. While components of miscarriage are unique to each person, the similarities connect us.

I am a pretty even keel person. I don't get my feathers ruffled and approach life in a fairly pragmatic way. After my miscarriage, we waited the appropriate amount of time that my doctor recommended before trying to get pregnant again. I was determined that everything would be normal.

Here's the thing, after you have had a miscarriage you have a degree of innocence stripped from you. You recognize that not every pregnancy equals a baby at the end. It's something you can't shake. I remember being afraid when I was pregnant with Jack, but there was no real understanding of what that fear might equate. Now I knew, with full certainty, that there were multiple outcomes to becoming pregnant and not all of them are happy. Furthermore, the starting over is exhausting. If I hadn't miscarried, we would be getting ready to have a baby around Thanksgiving... instead I am only 16 weeks pregnant. 

When I first discovered that I was pregnant with this child, Daniel and I were both excited. But as the news settled in, I began to feel apprehensive.

I told a friend (who had had multiple miscarriages years ago) and she was very supportive and encouraging. She would regularly ask me how I was doing. I didn't have many symptoms in the first 9 weeks and there were days that it was hard not to feel panicked. Telling her helped assuage many of my fears. 

As I mentioned in a previous post, I started spotting around 7 weeks. This sent me into a bit of a tailspin. I became convinced that I was going to miscarry again. I don't cry very often, but I found myself sobbing in the shower, praying to God that I wouldn't lose this baby. Praying for peace. The fear is palpable when you have already lost a baby.

I understood that miscarriage wasn't my fault, but that didn't stop the doubt from creeping in. What if I could have done something different. What if? What if? What if? There was also the little voice that would tell me I wasn't really fit to be a mom to two. That I was failing at mothering. So much doubt in myself and in my body.

After several days of spotting, I called my OB and she offered to see me that day. Thankfully Daniel was home and we were able to drop Jack off at a friend's house for the afternoon. Going into that OB appointment was terrifying. 

The ultrasound tech called us in right away. I wasn't sure what to expect since I was 7 weeks pregnant. Also, this was the place I had previously learned that I would miscarry. Daniel held my hand tight as the tech started the scan. 

I held my breath as we waited to hear the heartbeat. When we heard that quick ba-bump, ba-bump, ba-bump, it was all I could do to not burst into tears from happiness. She then showed us what appeared to be a couple of clots in my uterus. She didn't know what it was, and while it was worrisome, we were just grateful to see that heartbeat and an early glimpse of our little one.

My doctor let me know that I might continue to spot, but that I shouldn't be concerned unless it was bright red. We discussed exercising and agreed that I needed to work out for my own peace of mind, and slightly modifying would help me feel in control. We scheduled a follow up ultrasound for 9 weeks and prayed that the clots would absorb back into the uterus.

At 9 weeks, we went back for a follow up visit. Again, the ultrasound tech saw us immediately. Since we have spent a lot of time with her (through the miscarriage), she asked if we wanted her to tell us – good or bad – what she saw. We both agreed that we needed to know, regardless of the outcome. 

Again, we saw a strong heartbeat and breathed a collective sigh of relief. But, the blood clot from 7 weeks no longer appeared to be a blood clot. It was a mass that was the same size as the baby and it had its own blood supply. 

 

So, what do you do with news like that? We called the mass the "roommate" and my OB told me not to Google. In the information age, that was like asking me not to breathe. I don't know if it was because of the miscarriage or just the unknown, but I would find myself awake in the middle of the night, googling every symptom I had, desperate to discover what might be in my uterus... what might be wrong.

Before I left the doctor's office, they drew my blood and then we were off. Two days after the discovery of the mass, we went on vacation. My OB told us to go on our vacation. Live our lives. Do what we would normally do. There was nothing we could do to prevent whatever was happening. She said that we could only wait and see.

Vacation was a good distraction for me. Being with my family helped ease my fears. This was the week I also started to have some morning sickness. Nothing like being in the bathroom gagging while your family eats breakfast.

A week after vacation, I was at the 12 week mark and feeling good. We had reached the second trimester and the risk of miscarriage dropped. I was feeling some serious relief. And then I received a frantic call from my OB. The blood test I had before vacation came back with really high hormone levels. She wanted me to come in for a secondary blood test.

I didn't think much of it. Daniel didn't even go into the doctor's office with me – he and Jack had gone to Starbucks to pick up a coffee for me. The nurse drew my blood and then took me back to a patient room and told me to wait for my doctor.

What was going on? I didn't even have Daniel there for support. My OB came in and explained that the high hormone levels, coupled with the unknown mass, were worrisome and she wanted me to see a high risk doctor right away (it was Friday and we scheduled the high risk appointment for Monday). 

I asked her to shoot straight with me. I wanted to know what was going on. I told her I had done some digging of my own and none of the information was good. She asked what I had found and I mentioned molar pregnancy. She agreed that this was her biggest concern as well. We discussed that I didn't have the classic symptoms for molar pregnancy and the ultrasound mass hadn't looked like a mole, but we needed to rule this out.

I left the OB, thankful for the update but numb about what this could mean. My OB had said that termination would be the only option if it was a molar pregnancy. This was shattering. We had made it to 12 weeks, I should be in the safe zone and now I might find out it was over. It was a very hard weekend for me. On Sunday night, we asked our small group from church to pray for us.

On Monday, Daniel took off work to go to the high risk OB with me. I was so nervous. He squeezed my hand tightly while I lay on the table and the ultrasound tech went to work. Right away she found the baby and the heartbeat. We were elated.

Again, I tried not to cry. We explained about the mass in the 9 week ultrasound. The tech looked and looked and couldn't find anything. She brought in the high risk doctor, who also looked, and nothing. All we could see was a baby and hear its strong heartbeat.

We had been praying for peace and resolution and that is what God provided. There was no mole, no mass, no clots, just a baby with a strong heartbeat that was measuring the appropriate size. 

My first trimester was a huge roller coaster ride. The doubt, the fear, the guilt, the uncertainty, the peace. I know I would have found peace, whatever the outcome was, but I am so thankful that things continue to be on track. 

Starting around the 10 week mark, I finally started to experience some serious pregnancy symptoms. While typical symptoms like morning sickness are no fun, it was good to feel pregnant and not worry as much. Now that I am 16 weeks, I am feeling good again.

If you know someone who has been through a miscarriage, I would ask that you just be supportive and encouraging to them. It isn't their fault. Let them talk if they need to talk. Give them a hug, if they need a hug. Talk to them about normal things, let them know you care.

Toddler Birthday WishList

We are gearing up for Jack's 3rd Birthday! I know it's cliche, and that I have said it a thousand times, but time is flying by!

It has been interesting to observe what Jack enjoys doing and we thought a gift guide for our family might be helpful for Jack's upcoming birthday. These are just ideas, but we are pretty confidant that he would enjoy these types of gifts.

Dress Up
Jack really loves to dress up at preschool and when we have play dates. He is particularly enamored by capes, swords, and guns but will pretty much wear anything given the opportunity. Here are a couple of things we found on Amazon that he would probably enjoy:

Melissa & Doug Action Role Play Adventure Costume 

Melissa & Doug Role Play Hats

Kitchen/Cooking
Jack really enjoys to pretend to take your order (like at a restaurant) and then pretend to cook you food. He is also fascinated with toy cash registers right now. 

Toy Kitchen 

Cash Register

Sports
Jack continues to show interest in all types of sports. He really likes playing with the Little Tikes Basketball Goal at church and preschool.

Transportation
Cars, trucks, trains, really anything that moves (or digs) fascinate Jack. We think he would really enjoy the Fisher Price Wheelie's and Swoops race track. 

He also likes fixing and taking apart things, so this Take-Apart-Plane seems like a good fit.

Books and Games
Finally, Jack continues to be our little reader. We have a full list of books that we think Jack would like here, but The Bear Snores On series is by one of our favorite authors.

And Jack has enjoyed playing Uno Moo and Raccoon Rumpus with friends.

In terms of clothes, Jack is a size 3  in the toddler section.

See our complete wish list at Amazon.com.

Frozen Trick-or-Treat

My family lived in Canada (southern Ontario) for 3 years when I was in elementary school. I remember having to plan our Halloween costumes around our snowsuits because there was a good chance there might be snow on the ground (or at the very least, it was going to be cold).

I haven't been trick-or-treating in close to 20 years and my first time back doing so reminded me of those years in Canada.

We almost didn't take Jack trick-or-treating, mostly because we are lazy smart parents and Jack wouldn't know what he is missing til next year. But our friends were going and their youngest kids are close to Jack's age, so we decided to suck it up and go with them.

It was cold. And rainy. And windy. 40º easily felt like 20º with the windchill. Initially Daniel teased me for bundling up Jack so much because "I was cold" but I'm pretty sure Jack was thankful for the extra layers.

Jack did really well and stuck it out in the cold for a solid hour. Then he fell down, we took away his water gun (so he wouldn't fall again) and he had a toddler-sized melt down. Not taking a nap could have had something to do with the melt down (or maybe it was just the frigid air)!

The kids all did really well overall, even though I know they were all frozen!

This morning we woke up to a dusting of snow on the ground... all of the many Frozen cast members running around, collecting candy last night, must have brought the early chill!

I hope you and your family had a great Halloween! Now that Jack has been initiated into the world of trick-or-treating we are committed to doing it every year until he is too big to care!