Word for the Year: Reframe

For fifteen years now, I have been starting my year with intention. Last year I hoped to find contentment in my life, and I believe I did. There were some things that didn't pan out like I expected them to, and while I grieved these things, I believe I was able to move past them. 

We were supposed to take a big trip out west to Colorado this past summer. It was actually the second time we planned this trip, but we had truck problems that ended with our truck being in the shop for 6 weeks. It was really disappointing to have to cancel that family trip and send Daniel on his own for work. It might have been the first summer we spent at home, but we still had a good summer. We threw ourselves into all the busyness one might. I think the kids loved it. Jack went to two different summer camps. Both boys were able to complete the entire summer season with swim team for the first time. And we just had a good time. I was probably the only one trying not to wallow in self pity.

In the spring we took a road trip to the Florida Keys with our camper. We couldn't get reservations at the campsite I was hoping for, but ended up finding out that we could camp at the Boy Scouts property and it was a really fantastic experience. We all hope to go back.

At the end of summer, we did another short family road trip to West Virginia, Virginia, North Carolina and finishing in Tennessee. We took the boys horseback riding and white water rafting for the first time, and also had our first visit to Dollywood where we introduced the boys to the joy of roller coasters.   

We didn't get to camp with our camping family as much as we have in years past, but we savored the time we did have with these friends who have sat around so many campfires with us. We did quite a bit with Scouts – Jack, in particular, is loving his time in this organization, and we are blessed as a family by the other families we have gotten to know.

 

Homeschooling is still taking up the bulk of our time. Any time you come alongside others, there will always be give and take as you navigate your own needs and the needs of community. We are still figuring some of that out. I am learning to be content in all things, but also considering the future needs.

Which leads me to my word for the year...

But first a backstory: Last year, I made a spontaneous goal (as I tend to do) to hike 365 miles. I was walking quite a bit, and while in 2022 I had hiked 177 miles, I thought I could do 365. I also felt ok with making the effort and being content with however it ended.

 

Fast forward to December 27, 2022. I realized I had only walked 319 miles for the year and I had an afternoon to myself, so I thought I would give it one final hurrah and call it a year. I solo hiked 9 miles (with 5 days left in the year) and made a post to social media that I had accomplished 328 miles, patted myself on the back, and made peace with not finishing the goal because with 37 miles and four days left, I thought there was no way I would be able to finish.

I mean, I had people coming to stay with me for New Years. I needed to clean my house. I had a book goal I might be able to finish, and who could actual walk 9 miles a day for five days straight?

One of my best friend's from high school thought I could. She suggested that instead of walking 9 miles a day (in a single lump) that I walk 3 miles 3 times a day.

 

Hmmmm...

That actually might work, I thought. And so, as I started this crazy endeavor to fit in 9 miles a day until the end of the year, my brain started thinking about the word RE-FRAME. While 37 additional miles seemed inconceivable (really it was 46 miles in five days), 3 miles a day was something I could possibly do. And so I started the process. Wake up, walk 2-3 miles. Walk at lunch. Walk late at night. Friends started asking me about it and checking in with me. People asked me about it at church.

I still did all the cooking and cleaning, and activities, and New Year's Eve things, but I walked in between it all.

It helps that I have trails within walking distance of my house, but the effort was huge. At times it felt unbearable. Just me and the woods. Me and a podcast. Me and God. I started to hate it, but I remembered that I constantly tell my kids that they can do hard things. And I can model that. I could do it for myself.

I live on a mountain, so all of this walking included a significant amount of hills. My knees hurt. My hamstrings hurt. My glutes hurt. At night I would ice everything and could barely sleep because of the exhaustion. But I kept plugging away. 

I took Epson salt baths, and drank adrenal cocktails. I only took Vitamin-I a couple of times. And the pain subsided.

 

On the final night, our family went out for hibachi. I teased everyone that they should walk off their meal with me and come finish my goal alongside me. Daniel said he would come. My brother-in-law said he would come. My sister started getting dressed to go back out. My nephew said he would go. I told the boys they needed to go if all the adults were leaving. My niece didn't want to be left home alone, so she came as well.

These last three miles were not easy. My family might have given me a hard time about the hills, but they pressed on with me. We reached the Brow of our mountain and saw the view of Chattanooga below. We watched a family light and release Chinese lanterns into the night sky. And my heart was so full.

I had reframed. I had done what I thought was impossible. My friend had encouraged me when I didn't think I could do it. My family had walked to the end with me. 

 

My love language is quality time, and the thing that had been so hard for five days became the very best moments of my year as I walked with my family. They gave up their comfort and joined me in the dark and cold in the woods, on the very last night of the year. Their company was so much better than any podcast or book I could listen to.

So, as I look to 2024, I know that I can reframe the impossible things. I don't have to give up or quit. I can pivot, adapt, take it in smaller chunks. The things that are hard can be done. Especially with friends and family cheering and coming alongside me in the process! 

"...but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; ⁴ perseverance, character; and character, hope. ⁵ And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us." Romans 5:3-5  

My Words from Years Past:

Fortitude {2010} │ Adaptation {2011} │ Patience {2012} │ Deliberate {2013} │ Joy {2014}│ Peace {2015} │ Release {2016} │ Savor {2017} │ Healing {2018} │ Be {2019} │ Embrace {2020} │ Continue {2021} │ Thrive {2022} │ Content {2023}

Word of the Year: Content

 

 

Every year I try to sit down and take stock of how my previous year went and consider how I would like the upcoming year to come to take shape. This is a practice I have done for 14 years now. Last year I set the goal to thrive in my life, not just exist. While I did not do this perfectly, I do feel like I was able to choose to do more than exist.

 

A few areas we found ourselves thriving as family included:

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We walked our boys through the experience of grief when we said goodbye to our beloved Sophie. It was one of the harder life experiences for all of us. I hope we did it with grace, showing our boys what it means to love and also how to say goodbye. 

 

We completed 68 weekly hikes and walked a total of 177 miles during the course of the year.

I read 43 books, many of them aloud to the kids.

We camped 25 times including a month-long camping trip up the east coast to Maine to visit my sister and her family. We visited 18 states this year, many of them during our trek up the east coast.

 

I decided to step into coaching this year for the first time. First with Isaac's soccer team and then Jack's basketball team. The boys also did well on swim team and Jack made excellent progress in cross country this year. 

 

I started the year teaching a group of 9-11 year-old boys as a part of our Classical Conversations co-op (they call this tutoring). This grew into me becoming the Director of this co-op. This was not something that I had planned on, but I believe I truly thrived in this position (though it has not been without difficulties). 

After a couple of years of low involvement in Scouts due to Co^id, we really enjoyed doing lots of activities with the boy's Scout troop this year. We hiked and camped with this group, and had the opportunity to set off rockets and launch catapults.

 

The highlight for our family was an overnight 10-mile paddle trip down the Tennessee River and also paddling the Hiwassee. We have really loved all of our adventures with scouts.

 

The boys also did several survival challenges at our house with a neighbor friend. They attempted this 5 times over the course of the year with 3 separate nights completed. They are very proud of their accomplishment.

 

As of last month we have been married for 20 years. While our marriage is far from perfect, we have tried to thrive in this are of our life and not just merely exist.

 

 

When thinking of marriage and the longevity that goes with it, I really got to thinking about choosing to be content. I have continued to think about that word over the last couple of weeks. Content is an adjective that means satisfied. It is so easy in this life to play the comparison game or to experience FOMO (fear of missing out), but when I choose to be content (and it is a choice), my life goes so much better. I am less impatient and more benevolent to those around me. It is something that I want to continue to strive for this year. While I have goals and things I would like to accomplish in 2023, I also want to find contentment in how my life goes. Normally I might have been bothered that I am posting this on January 2nd instead of the 1st, but it really isn't bugging me this year, and I hope that is a reflection of me being content.

 

Philippians 4:12 I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. 

 

May I live this verse out this year.

 

My Words from Years Past:

Fortitude {2010} │ Adaptation {2011} │ Patience {2012} │ Deliberate {2013} │ Joy {2014}│ Peace {2015} │ Release {2016} │ Savor {2017} │ Healing {2018} │ Be {2019} │ Embrace {2020} │ Continue {2021} │ Thrive {2022}

Twenty Years

I recently heard an idea that was attributed to Aristotle that I can't quit thinking about: "If you want to come across as an ethical man, you need to be an ethical man." The more I think about this, I find that I can extrapolate this concept to most parts of my life, including marriage.

 

If I want a good spouse, I need to be a good spouse. 

 

 

 

Spoiler alert: I am not always a good spouse. And a lot of times when our marriage feels like it is going off the rails, one or both of us (probably both) is not being a good spouse.  

 

 

 

Friday was our twentieth wedding anniversary. Twenty years full of amazing memories, but also twenty years of being human and selfish. We don't always get it right. It takes work. A lot of work. 

 

 

 

We have both changed so much in the last twenty years. We have grown up. We have shifted in things we think. We have become more stubborn in some areas. It has taken work to show up and continue on.

   

 

Some days (years) seem so easy, some are incredibly hard and fraught with tension and misunderstanding. But we have continued on and it has, and continues to be, worth it.

 

Earlier this year we had discussed taking a big trip for this important 20th anniversary. We are not great at celebrating and it takes a lot of intention for us to make something like this happen. We are also procrastinators. And while we kept quietly talking about this trip we needed to take, we never made 

plans. 

 

In fact, the week before, Daniel called me to ask if he should take any days off since we hadn't decided on anything. I told him to take off Thursday and Friday and we went about setting a plan in motion. We found friends to keep the boys and booked a tiny house locally on Sunday (for Thursday!). 

 

It wasn't a grandiose thing. It was fairly last minute. I decided we should go on a couple of hikes that I love that I have done with our kids but that Daniel had not been able to experience. He decided where we should eat. We had fun just the two of us. It wasn't exhausting and we came home rejuvenated in our relationship.

 

I hope we take that big trip sometime in the next year, but if we don't, it's okay. I have never felt so content. Maybe contentment is where it is at. High expectations can wreak havoc (in my experience). Connecting with each other and working individually to be good spouses and finding contentment, that is what twenty years of marriage has taught me.

Happy 20th Anniversary, Daniel! I pray for many more years together and many more adventures to come!

A Look Back on the blog:
Five Years  |  Six Years  |  Skipped Seven Year Post  |  Eight Years  |  Nine Years  |  Ten Years  |  Eleven Years  |  Twelve Years  |  Thirteen Years  |  Fourteen Years  |  Fifteen Years