This week has been a tough one. Emotionally. Mentally. Physically. Just tough on so many levels. This post may be long. I just need to get some things off my chest. I don't know if I have it in me to talk out loud about these things, so if you want to share advice or encouragement, I ask that you do it in the comments or through an email...
On Tuesday morning, I found out {via Facebook} that a friend from high school, Buddy {Trey} Harp had died in a car accident. He was the older brother of a friend, but we were all in church youth group together and I would count Buddy as a friend as well.
It has been at least 10 years since I had seen Buddy so I don't have a significant personal attachment to him. HOWEVER, I find it incredibly tragic that he died leaving behind a wife and 6-month-old child, as well as his entire family. The whole story breaks my heart. I hurt so much for his wife and child and the pain they must be suffering right now. Every time I think about them, it makes me start to cry. I can't live my life crying, but I am learning that crying can be a good relief from pain.
This situation continues to weigh heavy on my heart. On top of that, it continues to be difficult to be separated from Daniel. During the week, we are both so tired it is hard to communicate effectively. And then when he is home, we are having to make tough decisions, work hard and we don't have a lot of time to just be us. I know those days are coming, but after a week like this, I could really just use 30 minutes to cuddle and not think about anything else. I need to feel connected. I need to feel like if for some AWFUL reason I lost him, we would have spent some quality time together.
The stress of getting our house on the market is really having an impact on us. We are both dog tired. We are forgetting things. We realized Friday night that the registration and tags on the Altima was expired. So I got up early this morning to go get an inspection. Then the realtor came by to sign paperwork {and answer all of D's questions}. The landscapers showed up too. Then they left without doing a major component of the yard work we had agreed to... talk about STRESS. Daniel called the owner of the company and the guys came back this afternoon to finish - it was just a misunderstanding, but stressful nonetheless. I have been on my feet working for the past 13 hours. I am exhausted and we still have work to do.
Have you ever said something out loud that you immediately regretted? This happened to me on Friday. I wish I that I could CNTR+Z my life. But I can't. I said some things that may have {unintentionally} hurt a friend. And there is absolutely nothing I can do about it. I have apologized, but that doesn't lift this burden. I wish I could be like Sophie {my dog} and show remorse for being bad and then let it go and immediately return to loving everything and everyone and being loved in return. For humans, that seems to be a much harder thing to do.
So. It has been a rough week. I have no idea what the future holds. I pray that the coming week will be a good one. I continue to pray that God will hold the family of Buddy Harp in his hands. Our house will be officially on the market on Wednesday {as long as nothing catastrophic happens}. Daniel and I will be spending next weekend together in Atlanta at a friend's wedding. I hope this gives us some time to rejuvenate and reconnect and just appreciate being together again. And I especially hope that things work out with my open mouth, insert foot incident.
No comments:
Post a Comment