Sometimes I just need to brain dump. This post is one of those times.

I am 40 years old. I came to age during a time when cynicism ruled. There was a general question everything attitude and a stick-it-to-the-man mentality, though I honestly don't know that I knew who the man was until at least college.

So I find myself struggling with a few things lately...

As a parent, I find I have to tone down my cynicism with my kids. They are full of hopes and dreams as they are just now experiencing the world. Daniel and I joke all the time about how we need to avoid being dream crushers too often when it comes to our kids. Most of the time we try to help them reason and think through their ideas logically, without just crushing those ideas. It's a fine line.

When I read books – literature, news, contemporary writings, I naturally question it all. I don't tend to take experts at their word. I need corroboration. I need more facts. Feelings are good, but they don't really cut it for me overall. I need concrete evidence. So many things today seem to be driven by feelings and fear and everyday it all seems more and more bizarre. Read 1984 again and it will rock your world with how the last year has been playing out – I'm speaking to the culture in general.

The last year and a half with the pandemic and the willingness of so many to just believe what they tell you has been blowing my mind. The first few months, it made sense to slow down and assess what was going on. To read and learn from as many different experts as possible. When it became clear that we weren't experiencing another Black Plague, my cynicism kicked in. And to be honest I gravitated toward like-minded thinkers. But we were often left wondering, what happened to questioning everything? What happened to sticking it to the man? Why are people just doing what they are told? With the masks and vaccines? The whole thing has been so surreal from where I sit and from the world view I grew up with. This following along out of fear (as I perceive it) is so different from the cynicism I was surrounded with growing up.

One Year

Do you remember what you were doing a year ago? When normal was still normal? When the thought of a worldwide infectious disease was still just a thing in China. And then Europe?

My last memory of before was sitting at my good friend's kitchen island, as we were wont to do every Thursday afternoon. Our kids ran obliviously through her yard while we drank coffee and talked about what was happening in hushed voices. Do you really think they will cancel school? Should we go buy toilet paper? Nah. That seems crazy. Do you have enough groceries in case we have to stay home for awhile? Are you worried?

It was our last in-person visit until July. 

Not having those weekly meet-ups with her and others was devastating at the beginning. 

For about three months, our family sat at home. Unsure. Afraid. We wore masks to the grocery store and washed and lysoled the groceries. But there was also a shift. We talked to our neighbors more as the entire neighborhood seemed to be out walking marathons of steps in an effort to keep sane.

Our kids slept in cushion forts on our back porch for over 100 nights straight. Through the freezing nights of March and hot nights of July and early August. We found new rhythms and routines. We made memories as a family. We baked bread and pieced together puzzles. We had weekly zoom chats with our small group. My family started a weekly video chat (that we still keep up with today).

There were tears and hard days, but also a lot of good.

In June, a few things changed. We started making different choices. We began to see people again. Mostly a small circle of friends. But those circles began to grow. I started working out at the Y again. A small group of us met in the parking lot behind the building. We brought kids and bikes and scooters and we sweated in the hot sun together. We still do that today. Twice a week. It has been a life saver – both physically and emotionally. We need people.

We decided it was worth the risk to start camping with a small group of friends again. Every three weeks, like clockwork, we gathered our gear and families and met with good friends. These weekends brought normal to a very abnormal year.

Our small group started meeting again in real life. Gathering in back yards where kids could run free and parents could social distance around a campfire.

In July I started to meet each week with a group of ladies for a Bible study. We would bring camp chairs and sit in the parking lot behind our church building. We read the Bible and prayed together, sharing the hardest parts of the year and supporting each other. When the days got colder and darker we met in the church lobby with camp chairs. It felt very clandestine. Now we meet openly at the building and the group is doubling because people have a need for God and community.

When school started back up, Daniel and I weren't sure about having our kids at their normal homeschool co-op where classes would be small but they would still be meeting in small rooms. Instead we continued on at home, but the kids and I met up every Monday afternoon at playgrounds all over the Tennessee Valley with our homeschool friends. On the coldest days of December and January we met. We walked and did squats and lunges to stay warm while we talked and our kids played. I organized weekly hikes for our homeschool friends. The need for community driving away all fear. We clung to hope that being outside was enough. And it has been.

We chose to see family for the holidays. On Easter, Daniel's dad and his wife came and waved at us from our front porch. By Thanksgiving we were willing to attend a gathering to see more of Daniel's family and his precious grandmother. Because only God knows when our time is up. And we don't want to miss being with loved ones who might not be with us always. We met with my family to celebrate Christmas. And the naysayers on the internet screamed that no one should meet. It wasn't worth it. When did we become a society that let other people dictate who and when we met and what is important in our own lives? In our own families?

So for three months our family lived in fear. But for the last nine months, we have chosen differently. We are lucky to live in a place where there are not draconian measures set against us. We use masks to go inside, but mostly we don't go inside. We have had many friends experience covid, they stayed home when they were sick. We saw them before and after, but we have tried to make wise choices when sickness has been in our midst.

We have no idea of the day or the hour of which we will die. None of us do. It could be from covid. It could be from a car wreck, or so many other things. We are choosing to live our lives to the best of our ability. With some precautions, but no longer from a repressed state of fear.

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” ~ Isaiah 41:10

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” ~ Philippians 4:6-7 

“Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.” ~ Psalm 23:4 

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” ~ Joshua 1:9

“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” ~ Matthew 6:34

“God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.” ~ Psalm 46:1

It's been awhile since my last post. We are still living in a Corona world. Life is going on, but standing still. I gave up counting the days we've been in a pandemic months ago. I quit watching the news. I started seeing people in outside places again back in June and my mental health improved 100%.

I just saw that my county is issuing an extension of its mask mandate. Now we are being required to where masks outside as well as inside until sometime in January.

On the one hand, I know cases are on the rise. However, I also know, by and large, a tiny percentage of people are dying from this. And while that is sad, it is also maddening that we are all expected to live as though we each definitely have the virus instead of being mindful of those who are highest risk, we all must act like we are all equally high risk.

When I was 16, I vividly remember my mom having trepidation about me driving on my own. Specifically at night because she was worried that either A) I would have a wreck or B) some other driver would kill me. This was so frustrating to me as a new driver who wanted more than anything my new independence.

Instead of arguing with her verbally, I researched and wrote an argument that I presented to her. I don't have that paper, but this is the gist of what I wrote: 

She was right, I could die while driving a car. I could be killed by another driver or by my own stupidity. But, I could also die from other things. I could get cancer and die. I could be hit by a car walking down the street and die (I was actually hit by a car when I was ten, but thankfully it was not fatal). I could die of carbon monoxide poisoning, or a fire, in our own home. I could get pneumonia and die. There are so many things I could die from. My mom finally gave in and allowed me to drive a car like all the other 16-year olds.

Taking this argument further, I didn't know this as a 16 year old, but when I was in my mid-20s I would get a blood clot in my leg (DVT) that would turn into a blood clot in my lungs (PE) from which I could have died. Turns out there was a 1 in 6,000 chance that would happen from being on birth control (a risk I was completely unaware of at the time). And it happened to me (again, thankfully it was not fatal). I also endured a high-risk pregnancy with my youngest that ended with a placenta abruption. If I had not been at the hospital when it happened, I could have died. Those are just some of my near-death experiences. Things beyond my control. Do I choose to lock myself up? No. Did I choose not to have my son even though it was a risk to my own life? No. 

As soon as we are born, we are all marching toward death. We can't stop it. For some it comes earlier than others. Some have near misses like me, but death is still coming.

I keep seeing this idea expressed on social media that we should choose "not see relatives for the holidays now so that we can see them later." This idea really bothers me. For one thing, grown adults (our parents/our grandparents) should be able to make that decision for themselves; for another, what if you skip this holiday with a loved one and they die from something else? What if they die from something out of their control like a car wreck? What then? For me, I would carry immense guilt if I put off those relationships and something happened to a love one any ways.

At what cost are we doing the things we are doing? We need connection. We need community. If a private business mandates you wear a mask on their private property, I have no problem complying. But when standing outside where transmission has been shown to be minuscule? Or on my own property? In my own house? That is a harder thing to get on board with. Our constitution gives us the right to life and liberty, these governances feel like they are treading on those rights.

One Second Every Day: June

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A post shared by Cheree Moore (@mo_haus) on Jul 1, 2020 at 6:28am PDT

This captures one second of each day in the month of June. June was a month of holding life in tension. Tensions came to a head after the murder of George Floyd by a policeman which led to protests worldwide and in some cases rioting. Online people shouted each other down telling others how they should be reacting on social media. In real life I checked in with people I personally knew who were hurting. I talked to my kids. I had hard conversations. That will continue. On top of this, we are also still dealing with the fact that Covid-19 cases are on the rise where we live. Mental health suggests we have to find better ways to cope. And so we are holding all of this in tension. We are choosing to meet with small groups of friends outside. In juxtaposition to these heavy things we took a quick weekend trip to Florida to see family. We managed to do our annual rafting trip on the Hiwassee with friends on Father’s Day weekend. We also did our first camping trip of the year and hiked to the beautiful Cummins Falls. The kids have biked their hearts out and have continued to sleep in cushion forts and play well together. Daniel spent four nights fixing our SUV after a mechanic broke a bolt on a control arm. Living with and having to fix other people’s wrongs, that seems to be a theme right now. 

CVSD: Day 102 (Father's Day weekend)

Friday was the 100th day since we started social distancing. This is a weird time, because cases are going up in our state, while life is simultaneously becoming more normal. It's like we all just hit this wall where fear became less of a focus. We can't live in the state of flight or fight forever, so here we are.

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Social distancing and quarantine started for us 98 days ago. During that time, the kids have slept in a cushion fort (mostly outside on our deck 78 of those nights). We are slowly entering back into a semblance of “normal” life. That includes celebrating with friends. I am so grateful to get to spend an evening with friends tonight. We have missed seeing so many, and it felt good to hang out, even if was in a driveway. #summer2020 #mohaus2020

A post shared by Cheree Moore (@mo_haus) on Jun 19, 2020 at 9:23pm PDT

Friday night we went to a friend's house for an outdoor, (somewhat) socially distanced birthday party. Reality suggests that when we are with people, we kind of naturally fall into old habits and routines. I am not sure what to do with this. Every time we interact with someone new, I am a little on edge for the following 5-12 days. But with each encounter, and each passing day, the fear becomes less of a factor.

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Annual float trip on the Hiwassee with friends today. This year we bought kayaks and tubes and are looking forward to more float trips (hopefully more often!). #summer2020 #annualhiwasseefloattrip #mohaus2020

A post shared by Cheree Moore (@mo_haus) on Jun 20, 2020 at 3:07pm PDT

Saturday we went with friends to do our annual rafting trip on the Hiwassee River. The river was packed. This year we bought our own kayaks (us) and tubes (our friends), so we didn't have to shuttle with strangers. It was so fun to do a normal adventure, celebrating the dads.

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Church outside today. It was so good to see so many people we haven’t seen in the last three months. #summer2020 #clearcreekchurch #mohaus2020

A post shared by Cheree Moore (@mo_haus) on Jun 21, 2020 at 8:56am PDT

On Sunday, for Father's Day, our church met in the field behind the building for worship. Everyone brought their own camp chairs and communion. Those who were smart brought umbrellas or pop-up tents for shade. It was so good to see so many people who are important to us. I did hug a few people. I really needed those hugs, but today I have been feeling a sense of guilt and praying that no one gets sick.

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This man is such a good dad to our boys. From going on adventures as a family to teaching our boys how to do things in the garage, our family is blessed. Happy Father’s Day Daniel! #fathersday2020 #summer2020 #mohaus2020

A post shared by Cheree Moore (@mo_haus) on Jun 21, 2020 at 9:53am PDT

We are supposed to go camping starting tomorrow. Unfortunately Daniel took our SUV to get tires rotated and balanced and the mechanic broke a bolt on one wheel and was unable to remove it. Daniel brought it home and is attempting to fix it here. On top of that he needs to finish up something on the camper slide, finish a presentation for work for Wednesday, AND we had a death in the family last week and funeral tomorrow morning. Life is feeling a little complicated in that regard at the moment.

Summer 2020: Florida Cousins

Officially today is the 96th day of social distancing/the worldwide corona virus pandemic comes to Tennessee. However, it is also summer and we trying to have a good summer, while also being cautious. Such is life for the past several months.

Last week my brother randomly asked if the kids and I wanted to pop down to Florida with him for the weekend. This is a trip we try to do once or twice a year to visit our sister's family. Unfortunately we didn't make it down at all last year, and with the corona virus pandemic, I think we all have kind of hit a wall and were craving family time.

Since we are all healthy, I threw caution to the wind (after making sure Daniel was okay with us traipsing about the country in 2020) and we made the trip south to Tallahassee with my brother. Our experience was that traveling during a pandemic wasn't too bad. Though we did have an issue finding open bathrooms for the kids. Fast food restaurants were generally open only for drive through, so we had to hunt for gas stations. Once we even stopped at a Whole Foods (we did buy apples so we weren't just using them for their clean bathroom!).

As for the weekend, we surprised my niece and nephew and the kids all had a blast being together non stop. We took a boat out to Dog Island (a repeat of a trip we did a couple of years ago where we were temporarily stranded and a storm rolled in!). This time, our outing was a little more low key, and the kids had a ton of fun swimming in the Gulf.

Though it was not completely without mishaps. Papa (my brother-in-law's dad) started to take off while we were all on the beach. We were dumbfounded that he might leave us again (like two years ago), but it turns out he was just going to help someone whose boat had drifted away from the island with a young girl on board.

The second mishap was running aground a sandbar on the way back to Carabelle. We missed the channel and couldn't tell it was shallow because the water was so choppy. Thankfully we weren't stuck, but it was a surprise to grind suddenly to a halt.

After boating, we went and grabbed seafood. If you know my brother, you know he needs his raw oyster fix whenever we go to Florida. Jack surprised us as the only kid that tried a raw oyster. He was not a fan. Levi's face sums up how the other kids felt about this delicacy!

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Cannon balls with cousins (and Uncle Mark). #summer2020 #voylesfam #floridacousins #mohaus2020

A post shared by Cheree Moore (@mo_haus) on Jun 14, 2020 at 3:01pm PDT

Back in Tallahassee, the kids had fun doing kid things: bouncy house, trampoline, playing Uno, playing video games, playing tornado... We also went swimming at a neighbor's pool and then the kids did their semi-annual talent show with their Uncle Mark.

I love seeing them all cut loose with the dancing and being silly. I didn't catch this on my video, but my niece, Izzy, is really funny as the emcee. She always has off the cuff jokes that keep us laughing.

Our trip home was uneventful. It was a quick trip, but every time we made a pit stop we were reminded of the pandemic via everyone wearing masks. Our experience while traveling was that every person we encountered was super polite and kind (like extra). Looking forward to seeing family a couple more times as the summer progresses.

One Second Every Day: May

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A post shared by Cheree Moore (@mo_haus) on Jun 1, 2020 at 12:23pm PDT

The month of May. I don’t have a lot of words right now. We are still in a pandemic. But people are surfacing again, desperate for human contact. This month we watched a policeman murder a black man, which led to protests of despair around our country and even the world. It’s been a heavy month. I am joining in prayer and opening my ears to listen to those who are hurting, while trying to instill a desire in my kids to love everyone and to stand up for everyone. In the midst of this hurt, we have tried to keep life as normal possible for our kids. Isaac finished preschool without a graduation ceremony. Jack finished second grade and misses his friends. The boys surpassed 50 nights of sleeping in cushion forts. It’s been a mixed bag, emotionally. Praying that June is better. Praying for healing of those with covid-19 and those who are hurting from experiencing racial injustice. Praying for healing and uniting in our country. 

CVSD: Day 74 (Mother's Day Make-up)

Every year we try to go on some kind of adventure for Mother's Day. Often we hike. We have paddled our kayaks (one year we paddled through the lock at Chickamauga). And we have taken bike rides. Every year is a different adventure. Kind of like motherhood.

This year we had to postpone our Mother's Day adventure. But on Memorial weekend we were finally able to go. My pick was the Huckleberry Knob hike on the Cherohala Skyway.

If I am being truthful, I am generally the kind of person who doesn't like to do the same trip twice. However, I am finding that there is joy in repeating experiences and finding something, or somewhere, you truly love and returning again and again.

This was our third trip to Huckleberry Knob, and perhaps the best. As we drove, we all recognized different landmarks. Mostly random places we have stopped to let the kids pee on the side of the road over the years! Hah!

The first time we came, I carried Isaac to the top on my back and Jack probably whined about the two-mile walk. Last year, Isaac was the one doing the whining. This year, they raced each other to the top, and then back to the car!

Jack had the idea to bring his kite this year. Initially I told him no. But after explaining that whatever he brought he would have to carry, we came to an agreement. He carried his kite, as well as his own snacks and water, and his rain jacket. Isaac volunteered to carry his own backpack with snacks and water as well. We have come a long way from that first time of me carrying Isaac and Daniel carrying all the other stuff!

Hiking and adventuring with my little family is probably my greatest joy in life. I look forward to returning to Huckleberry Knob again. 

Thankfully, even though it was raining all around us, and we even heard some thunder in the distance, we didn't get rained on!

After our hike, we drove back down the mountain with Isaac insisting that Daniel drive Hyper Speed while he gleefully laughed in the back. We got back down to an open restaurant that is creek side that we have stopped at before. 

I took the kids to wade in the water, while Daniel braved the line. People were fairly good about distancing themselves. We enjoyed coke floats and hot dogs (for the kids) by the creek. It was a lovely day. 

Past Mother's Day Adventures:

Monte Sano Hike (a couple of weeks after Mother's Day), 2012

Hays Nature Preserve (a couple of weeks post Mother's Day), 2013

Biking South Chick Greenway, 2014

Family Time (no Adventure as Isaac was just a month old), 2015

Paddling Lookout Creek, 2016

Stringer's Ridge Pump Track and Mountain Biking, 2017

Paddling Through Chick Lock, 2018

Huckleberry Knob Hike, 2019